Posted by: yogavet | December 6, 2004

Dear Diary…

I found this on a vet humour board 🙂 Funny stuff…

Dog’s Diary:

8am: Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9am: Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
10am: Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
11am: Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
12pm: Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
1pm: Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
3pm: Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4pm: Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5pm: Oh boy! Mom! My favorite!
7pm: Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
9pm: Oh boy! Sleeping in master’s bed! My favorite!

Cat’s Diary:

Day 183 of my captivity…

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another housplant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded – must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair – must try this on the bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies”. Must learn what this is and how I can use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports on my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait. It is only a matter of time…

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